Stockholmare and escalators
I had a moment yesterday when I felt as if I could see things from the perspective of a native Stockholmare and I was extremely pleased. I felt as a part of them. A part of the cool kids. Then again, I'm not sure I'm supposed to want to be a typical Stockholmare. Not that I really know what a 'typical Stockholmare' is exactly, I just know I'm not supposed to want be one. Something about Stockholm vs. Göteborg and Jönköping being on the Göteborg side. I can't remember the exact reasons but there's rarely much logic to my thinking anyway.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon I was on the escalator going up from the train station up to school. I was in a hurry to get to class so I was quickly walking up the escalator. On the left side obviously, I'm not completely behind the bobber (jag är ju inte heeeelt bakom flötet liksom- a Swedish saying, that definitely sounds less stupid in Swedish, well, slightly less stupid at least). You see, I was warned about this when I moved here. One does not simply stand on the left side of the escalator! You just don't. That area is reserved for people who want to walk up the moving escalator. It creates order. You stand on the right side if you're standing still and happy with the pace provided.
I was walking up the escalator on the left side passing people who were standing still. On the right side. Then all of a sudden I see the forbidden. A few steps above me I see a man standing still on the LEFT side. I repeat. He was not moving. He was standing s-t-i-l-l. ON THE LEFT SIDE!!!
I could feel and clearly see the irritation and confusion this caused. Everyone noticed. Every person having to zigzag past him as they made their way up the escalator. Even the people standing a few steps down or up on the right side of the escalator glanced at him. "How dare he?! Who is this uninformed person who obviously doesn't know the unspoken rules of the escalators in Stockholm?! Completely disrupting the order of things. If people always did whatever they wanted we'd have anarchy. Is that what you want? Huh??"
For a second I was annoyed as I made my way around him. Then it made me smile. People need a wake up call from time to time to remember that things are different in other places. Not all Swedish cities are the same. In some cities people actually just stand still on the escalator, waiting until it reaches the next floor. I know, hard to imagine.
Then my smile grew bigger, realizing I might be on my way to become a Stockholmare after all.
This is me a few months ago while visiting Stockholm, it's pretty obvious I was an outsider as I'm standing a tad too far on the left side. Not quite as organized as the people in front of me. They take these things seriously over here you know.
Autumn walks in the sun
I'm an amateur when it comes to photography but I still really enjoy it. After a long period of lost interest the love for photography has awakened in me again. Probably because of this absolutely fantastic autumn weather (today's weather is hopefully just an exception).
Here are some pictures from two walks Cissi and I've taken recently. Her patience with me stopping every other meter to take a picture from a new angle is astonishing, especially as I force her to be the subject in a lot of the pictures. Heheeee, I've obviously got the best room mate. She doesn't just make sense of my thoughts when I talk crazy talk (which happens quite regularly) but she also helps me in my small interests.
Oh and she's gorgeous. But you already knew that.
Taken with my Canon EOS 1000D
This is what most evenings look like here in Stockholm (at least in this house hold). Both of us trying to study and be effective but still preferring to study in the same room as it's just more fun. Two is better than one and all that. We're not too bad most of the time though I'm generally the less focused one as I either fall asleep or look at funny videos on YouTube. Or update my blog...
Jättegärna kräfthjärna! (Craw fish brain)
Sometimes in life you've got to ask the hard questions. You just have to take a moment to stop and think about what you are doing and see the details in life. Otherwise everything goes on and we keep on doing things only out of motion and habit without really questioning or taking time to look around us. Today, at the dinner table, we decided to take a moment to notice the details. To learn something new and to question what we might have thought of before but brushed off as insignificant. Today we decided to ignore social codes and guidelines and ask the insignificant yet important question-
do craw fish have brains?
But do they REALLY??
I decided to find out. It was disgusting. Mostly because craw fish in general creep me out with their eyes and whiskers thingies and then crushing the shell, touching everything. It's was so nasty I kept getting shivers down my spine. Despite of this my curiosity was greater than my disgust so through the process of elimination while dissecting several craw fish (you can't make a scientific conclusion on only one subject, obviously) I came to the conclusion that the black mushy thing in the head region was the brain. After some discussion about wether they have brains, if they need a brain if they don't have blood or if they even have a heart we googled and had a short lesson on craw fish anatomy! And yes, craw fish have brains, hearts, nerve systemes and blood circulation! So now you know. Now we all know!
Then we decided to eat the brains. Well, I challenged Michelle to do it after trying to make her lick the gross grey insides (we were trying to find the heart- no luck) but instead we decided to both eat a brain each. Cissi grabbed my camera to document it. It's not pretty.
And it most certainly wasn't pleasant.
Eating chocolate afterwards was a good idea though!
Every breath is healing
I didn't realize I lived five minutes away from all this! Cissi and I took a walk this afternoon in the fresh autumn air just as the sun was settling. It filled me with such awe! Nature really is breathtaking.
I'm so happy I've started using my camera again. It's been a long, long time. There's just something therapeutic about it.
The flood is raging free
I think I may have reached the limit of amount of words allowed to be written within less than a weeks time. If you scroll down you'll understand what I mean. If you were feeling a mixture of brave and bored and actually took the time to read all my recent posts- I lift my hat to you! I am impressed.
It's like the flood has opened and there's no stop button. Anything in it's way gets soaked, drawn in, demolished. It lives it's own life. And with "it" I mean my mind and the words that it forces out of either my mouth or my fingers.
Sorry about that.
The blog of my life. A third of it at least.
Since restarting the blog again a few weeks ago I've been looking through some of the old posts and been half shocked. Deary me. The things one can find on here! It's like a mini film about my life. From only my perspective with only things written about me or things that interest me and with a million pictures of me. Sounds like a super exciting film doesn't it?! If you answer yes to that question you are most likely a creeper (if you didn't already know you were one- well, now you do) who wants to kidnap me and cut me in tiny pieces because NO is the correct answer- it would not be an exciting film, it would be extremely onesided and boring.
It's almost a bit disturbing when I think about all that I've written here, some of it pretty personal. It's a good thing I'm a very open person in real life as well and would tell you everything anyway if you asked. I'm also trying to convince myself that it has helped keep up my interest in writing, photography, webb-design and so on. How true that statement really is we we will never know.
December 2007, 15 years old and taking very flattering pictures of myself....(click on the picture to enlarge my beautiful face)
I started as a hormonal 15 year old with a lot of feelings and thoughts. Which I obviously still have a lot of (hormons included) as I am not a robot but I do like to think that I am a slightly less dramatic and easily offended at 22. It followed me through my little emo periods, times when I've been hopelessly in love, happy, when I felt like no one understood me, real excitement and a lot of normal every day thoughts about mundane things. The blog is mostly just filled with long posts about insignificant and rather uninteresting things. I'm pretty good at things like that. I have a lot to say about everything and can write an essay about nothing in particular. Ordbajsa as we say in Sweden- "Word pooping" One of my many useful talents.
The blog has followed me through the past seven years with a couple of years of silence in between. The design of the blog has changed almost just as much as I have (and it would be changing even more right now if I still remembered how to do it).
Even the main focus, direction, of the blog has changed from time to time. I had a period when I tried real hard to turn it into a fashion blog. Not much to say about that, I just don't know much about style or fashion. It include a lot of pictures of me wearing clothes and making different but equally awkward poses.
I've also had periods where it became more of an amateur photo blog, oh and do you remember my brief attempt to become a Vlogger?! Goodness me. All filmed with my phone and edited poorly in windows moviemaker. Let's just say those videos are best hidden where they are! I was pretty proud of them at the time though.
Many times I've also wanted to make it more of a politcal and thought-provoking blog but I usually erase that thought before I make anything of it. The time, effort and need for correct information is just not worth the bother. I have to do enough of that in school.
All in all, this forum has followed me through all stages of life and now it's come with me to Stockholm. Wouldn't feel right otherwise. This is my little online journal without a real need for a label. I just put up whatever I feel like in the moment. The one consistent thing about it is that I am the one who updates it. So here it is, open for every friend, relative, creeper out there to read and follow. I still get worried that it's the narsisistic and attention seeking part of my personality that keeps me coming back here and wanting to make sure no one forgets about me. Either way, here it is- vague, half serious, half ironic and very, very much about just me. You're welcome. ;)
To those of you who have followed me through all these years (ni vet vilka ni är damer), I apologize for some of the things you've witnessed here! Thank you for caring and encouraging my weird need of sharing my thoughts! Much love to you.
Wearing fancy pants (American ones NOT English ones) (though I am wearing those too, honest)
This morning I put my fancy pants on (pants as in trousers, I would never use this word for anything but underwear normally- my mother would be shocked, way too Amercian!- but I just wanted to use the saying fancy pants), a nice professional looking blouse, put my hair up in an as neat looking pony tail as possible with my hair, did my make up and went to have a job interview. It goes without saying of course that the whole outfit was coordinated, tried on and laid out on a chair last night. As any normal person who is not an animal does.
The interview went really well so I probably wont get the job. Last time I had a job interview I felt like it went horribly and then I got the job, I'm not the greatest judge of these things. I have another interview at another place on Saturday. I've realized that for once in my life I have more time on my hands then I want so it's just an extra job to fill out when I'm not studying. Plus the money wont hurt, especially since I've started celebrating everything! It's a nice and positive thing really but not financially sustainable sadly.
You see, I celebrated moving to Stockholm by buying new shoes and a new scarf. I celebrated that I went out for a run with buying chocolate, it was dark chocolate though which I don't like as much and therefor eat less of so it was a compromise and barely counts. I then celebrated finishing my first course by going to the Sci-Fi book store and buying books. I celebrated passing my exam by going out to eat with some friends.
Most recently (today) I celebrated getting a job interview by buying a new dress. It's gorgeous so I honestly didn't have much of a choice as it was tempting me and calling my name. Plus that it was on sale and it's thick and warm so I know Mommo would approve of it (I apparently have this weird need to please people and get their approval) as she always reminds us of the importance of wearing warm clothes. Something about it being easier for girls to get urinal infections so we have to buy jackets that go down to our knees. OH and it has pockets! The dress, that is, not the jacket, even though my jacket also has pockets. I hate when dresses don't have pockets! Or skirts. Or trousers. Like the fancy pants-TROUSERS. Things in general without pockets and places to put things are just unpleasant. No one wants to walk around holding things all the time or having to have a bag or purse with them everywhere. Yes, I tend to have a backpack with me all the time anyway just so I have somewhere to put the book I always carry around. I have a policy not to go anywhere without having at least one book with me so I have it in case things get boring, I have extra time or I just get tired of socializing with people. It can be rather exhausting after a while, talking to people. A lot of the time I'd prefer just sitting quietly in a corner reading but I also do like talking to people. Most of the time.
So yeah... exactly. That's how it is! Ehm, yeah, I'm certain whatever point I was trying to make came out loud and clear even though I, at this moment of time, can't remember what it was exactly. But, yeah. You know. Power to the people!
Post interview celebration (see bag) and my fancy pants (TROUSERS).
Maggan gives me nightmares
Lately, as in the last couple of months, I've had some really vivid dreams. Like really vivid. They tend to be filled with action and plot twists and just usually the craziest things I can imagine, or rather didn't know I could imagine. Crazy scenarios with a lot of my friends (whom I wont mention because some of them die, some are extremely annoying and others not relevant in the dream) and also quite often famous people. Especially lately.
A few weeks ago I dreamt that Mcdreamy (Patrick Dempsey) was my dad and we lived in this big white wooden house out on the country side. One night Greg Grunberg (from heroes) broke into our house because he was angry with Mcdreamy. Grunberg tried to shoot Dempsey, aka my dad, but somehow my dad got a hold of the gun (without getting shot) and shot Grunberg in the ear and then it just got crazier from there. He tried to shoot himself, missed, had to call the ambulance, they didn't come until the morning after, I was terrified and so on.
I think it may have been the same night as I dreamt that I was hiding a murderer at church, Michiel Huisman being the murderer and that I fell in love with him (you can't really blame me for it though, he is gorgeous) I was torn about being in love with a murderer but also extremely worried someone would find him and take him to prison without me knowing.
One night I swam with animated whales. Yep. They were real but we were in an animated world so they were all cartoony and you could see the pixels. Similar to the world in Super Mario. The grass was bright, bright green and the water extraordinarily blue. It was warm and sunny but I was terrified. I could see these huge whales underneath me and I couldn't get out of the water. I just knew they were going to eat me.
My dreams are rather upsetting most of the time because I always wake up with the feelings from the dream. Most of the time scared or angry. I don't know if it's the fact that my life is too boring and safe that I dream these things? It's the dangerous, brave, dare devil part of me that comes out and goes crazy. This wild imagination that I didn't know I had. It's the "Maggan" part of me. Maggan takes over at night when I no longer can control her and punishes me for keeping her trapped by making me have crazy dreams. And no, I don't hear Maggan's voice inside my head telling me to do things, so don't worry.
Just a couple of nights ago I had another dream that was just as unpleasant and weird. I woke up an hour before my alarm went off feeling devastated and very angry at the same time. Especially angry at immature boys!! I dreamt that there was a fire in the church building and that two very close friends of mine ran back in to get something and died when the whole building exploded. There were loads of details and a lot of screaming and terror going on during this. To be fare it would've been a really good scene in a movie. Two points to Maggan, I mean the whole building exploded! It was quite the action scene. Then we were at the funeral, my friend and I were there together both so incredibly sad. I felt this huge guilt in my stomach as if I had killed them myself or had been able to stop the explosion. During th funeral we kept being bothered by these boys who just wouldn't leave us alone. Finally this rage just awoke in me and I verbally attacked them. I just hammered them.
Then I woke up. In the middle of shouting at these stupid boys. I was so tense and fired up and sad at the same time. Man, it was a weird feeling to wake up with.
Now I realize that it's not all that strange that my sheets are half off the bed when I wake up or that I have problems with my jaw because I strain it at night. It's a rather insignificant reaction to all that goes on in my head at night. When Maggan is let loose.
A sponge sucking up knowledge
Last week I had my first exam and gave in the last assignment for that class (the reason for the silence here on the blog as I got into a fanatic study mode the week before the exam). I then had a few days off but started my new class this past Monday, subject: Islam! I am soooo excited for this class because there is so much for me to learn. It's a pretty new feeling for me to feel excited about learning things. On my mission I always loved studying and learning but I've never had this kind of excitement about school before. Though, when I think about it I did like learning new things if it was a subject I was interested in so maybe it's not so crazy after all. It's just about studying the right thing I guess and I'm glad that it feels as right as it does. I honestly can't imagine anything I'd rather be studying right now which is funny as this wasn't my first choice at all but I'm SO happy this is what I ended up choosing. I almost got sad when our class on Christianity was finishing because I realized there still was so much I didn't know. I'm sure I'll feel even more so about Islam and it will most likely be the same when we study Hinduism and Buddhism, there's just so much we can learn! The more i learn the more I want to learn. Knowing myself though, I might have to get back to you on the subject in about six months to see if I really feel the same way then.
I don't have a lot of lectures in this class. This past week I've only had two lectures which means we have more independent study. My self disciplin isn't that great on the best of days so this is good practice for me to be able to become Maggis 2.0 in the future. I must say, and I know you'll be happy to hear mum, that since I started school I haven't been watching as many series or films as back home, probably because I have a lot more free time and I'm not as tired as I used to be getting home from work. Youtube is still tempting me daily though. I blame you Jimmy Fallon!
This weekend (it's Saturday evening right now so when I say "this weekend" I mean tomorrow) I'm going to sit down and set some new goals for the next three months. I'm a big believer of goals and deadlines! I made a really good and extensive list of goals around new years but lately I've realized that I need to set goals for shorter time periods. Not just the yearly goals but quarterly ones which probably and hopefully will help me set more realistic goals (seriously, what made me ever think that setting a goal of being able to do 20 proper push ups ever was a good idea? I can do 3 on a good day...) and then also make a monthly action plan to achieve them.
This is what I look like when knowledge and inspiration is being poured into my brain. Or when I'm being happily abducted by aliens, because honestly, who doesn't want to see the interior design of a UFO?
Photo by Emelie! She took some pictures of me when she came to visit. Might show some of the others another time.
Trying to become the perfect student.
Get home from school, eat, change into pyjamas, study, study some more, eat, try to study but mostly just get annoyed with whatever I'm working on, talk about going to bed, have the nightly chat with Cissi for a lot longer than either of us should, then sleep.
That's the past two evenings. Today I had my last class for this course so I've got a week of just studying, studying, studying until the exam next Wednesday. Nervous lady.
Now- SLEEP. One of the best things I know (was about to say the best thing but felt like that would be too sad)
The perfect Sunday
After wonderful meetings at church and saying goodbye to Emelie I ended a great weekend and a great Sunday in the best way possible: filled with snuggles with my favourite Betti. We had quite the quality session hanging out in her tipi in the living room and played most of the evening. Then when Queen B was in bed my sister and I had a good, long conversation about all things important. Love, equal rights, acceptance of others, choice, happiness, respect, politics, feminism, faith, family and so much more. So I'm feeling fired up, filled with this feeling of wanting to change the world. Make a difference. Make things better for people who suffer. I feel limited, so incredibly limited. I might not be able to change the world this week but I can work on myself. Keep reflecting on the person I am and work on becoming better. These kind of conversations are so important and should be had more often. Hurray for depth!
I think I might write a longer passage about this during the week. So many thoughts! This has been such a good end of one week and start of another. This is going to be a good week. I feel it.
You can call me miss fashionista
Got my new shoes on and feeling pretty fly. And warm. Warm and cosy.
Those good weekend vibes
Emelie is here. We've got crisps and sweets and pyjamas on. Life is good. Real good.
And yes, I might just have bought the largest scarf ever to exist and all of a sudden I have a pea head. It's ok, I'm embracing the pea. Not the pee. Take note.
Live from Stockholm
Another week has passed and I'm back here lying in my bed in Stockholm. I get home from school and the first thing I do is throw myself on my bed and just lie there staring at the ceiling thinking about how hungry and tired I am and how much I need to study during the evening. I have now stopped taking my daily naps which feels good but I miss them dearly. I love taking naps. My first two weeks in Stockholm I took a nap every day that would last between 40 minutes and 2,5 hours. I'd still sleep great at night. I think it was my brain trying to get used to the fact that I'm suppose to embrace adulthood now. Being an adult is exhausted. I then remember that I am such a child still and it suddenly feels better again. Anyways, no more naps for me.
Here are a few pictures from this past week in Jönköping and Copenhagen. A busy but really good week!
These two <3
Just Josef wearing a monkey suit and looking/high fiving/having a moment of contemplation with himself in the mirror.
1. Copenhagen temple plus that tall guy known as Viktor.
2&3 Vår Frue Kirke